I have been pondering a lot on God's love, His mysterious ways and many other things.I am such a sinful person inside out, sometimes I really hated myself to the core.I have so many weaknesses!Very often, I dun understand why I do certain things, I am so sinful and undeserving but God who love me so much is willing to sacrifice Himself for me and chooses me to be His children.Because of His great love, I want to serve Him forever, but I dunno where He want to me to serve?Is it to serve in the youth ministry or elderly ministry?Is it to serve in SAC or other church? Sometimes I wonder why God created me to be so small in size with a child like high-pitched voice, does He want me to serve in the children ministry??I am still waiting for His call...

I wonder if the life that I live is a witness to others as a Christian.However, I doubt so. I am so sinful in nature, I have too many weaknesses...Very Often,I dun live according to God's ways,I dun do some things that God wants me to do.I am still learning to love others as I love myself,but often it is not easy especially to someone who is so different.It is hard to obey God fully!

The people around me are aging faster than I thought... Mummy has weak kidney and weak legs.She just signalled to me that due to her leg's condition we wont be going for holiday:( Papa's health is getting weaker, he is getting slower and slower:( Aunt Roslin's condition has worsen, she is now full of worries. :( The 3 most important people in my life are all getting weaker , slower, and older yet I am getting stronger each day.There will be a point where they will rely on me, I need to support them.I need to be more mature sot that they will feel that I am reliable.I pray that God will bless them with good health, bless them in their work, and bless them in every areas...

2 more weeks or rather 10 more days to go till the end of internship and I couldn't stand it anymore. I have never missed school this badly before . I miss all my friends especially , Rinnah, Wei Ting and Jes and everyone from school. I miss all the fun , all the suanning, and all the lectures and tutorials even though it can get quite boring.I wonder how am I going to survive the next 2 weeks, haiz...

I had realised many things throughout this internship.I think God allows my internship to be a difficult one so that I can learn. I realised that it is time for me to be independent. I had always been depending on parents for everything that I do, so over protected that I struggled throughout the whole intern.I hope that one day I can go oversea to study , to learn to be independent. I know that it is not going to be easy . Aunt Roslin just warned me that I may go the wrong path if I mixed with the wrong ppl , but I am not worried about that. I need to gain my self confidence . I need to learn everything from the basic. I still can depend on God, who will guide me through, so what's there to fear ? I know I will definitely struggle ,but this will only make me stronger.

Another thing is that when you are studying , you are only responsible for your own self , but working is different as you are responsible for others as well. I realised how much I enjoy studying, even though it can be boring and tiring at times. Now I wish that I can be a student forever.However, that is never possible.One of the reason why we study is to get a good cert and find a good job to earn money .If I want to earn a lot of money I have to bear these heavy responsibilities and stress, if I choose not to have so much responsibilities, then I may just be sufficient.Right now I may choose the latter, but in the future I will have to work for money. Internship reaffirms my ambitions of becoming a teacher and serve to God. I dun want to seat in the office throughout the day, doing something that I don't enjoy.I want to teach , I want to do God's work , I want to glorify . I dun mind if the pay is not gd , so long as I enjoy doing it, I would be happy with it .

I pray that God will open a way for me , I pray that He will lead me through the last 2 weeks of internship. I hope that this 2 weeks can pass by quickly , for I cannot wait for school to start...